Cray

Dang bae, is it really like that

why are you doing this to me?

your always on my mind

I dont even know what to think anymore

I love you i really do

but im going crazy

I dont know who your with

or

what you are doing

I can only think of the what if's

and why am I trippin

Baby i feel like im losing my mind

some times i feel like you dont care inside

I see the good, and i see the sweet

but i can see you putting a wall up

in front of me

bae im going crazy inside

i dont know what to do anymore

why are you doing this to me?

Never Again

You must think i am crazy
But let me tell you i am
You must think we are changing
WRONG! Please try again
The things that i have tried to do were
All only for you, the stress that i put up with
Every single day, I dealt with because I really wanted
To try to make things work
With..........
Living together in one house hold
Never Again.
Being together even when things have gone from good to worse
Never Again.
I will never let another human being control so much of my mind
And everyone at the church tries to force us to be
Something that we aren't
I dont believe  that we are meant to be
Because your views differ from my
And to let you consistently talk about the people
That i love the most
Never Again will my sun shine before it rains
Because from this point on all i am looking for
In my skies are sunny days
Where the day is filled with beautiful flowers
And my heart skips a beat everytime
Where i can find someone that im and love with
And we not argue all the time
I want to be able to just know this is right
Instead feeling that everything is wrong
I would like to love for once in my life without
Getting my heart broken in return
I love My God and he knows it
So what you say doesn't count
All our views are so different should have been a
Warning sign a long time ago.
So never again will we be anything more
Then justs friends.
I cant continue to deal with the hurt and i
Know that you can't too.
This is the end of our story and it ends with a
Beautiful son, he will grow up knowing
That mommy and daddy loves him so much
Even though we aren't together i believe we can
Still manage to be friends
I can see you shaking your head right now cause
I know that you will read this soon
So never again will I try to make someone happy
While i am not except my son
Time to put me first and do whats best for me
Cause like you said it is time to grow up.
So this here is true and my last and final words
about all that we once had
All that i can really think of to say
Is
NEVER AGAIN
To it all
But that doesnot me that i love you any less!

Confusion

I am so confused 

I just want to scream out to the world

But i really just want to go to a happy place

Some where that i can stop in think

being myself with all the stress

i realized why i live in two different worlds

i live in the real world because i have to

and a live in a fantasy world when i want to get away

I no longer know what i want

i no longer can feel my heart...........

ITS NUMB!

Numb from the thought of hurting you

but also from the fact that im hurting myself

is this what i really want

IM To YOUNG!

No wait

I though age was just a number

I WANT TO SCREAM!

My head is spinning and my mind is blur

my heart is pounding

and my words are slur

i know what to say but the words wont come out

My life feels like a horrible mess right now

like a dream that i want to wake up from

i want to go back to the new world that i made for myself

where there is no hurt

no pain and no choices to make

where i can just be free and live my life

with no consequences and make no sacrifices

BUT WAIT!

I cant go i have a son

I have school

I have a dream to achieve

Thoughts racing through my head

All of this agony

All i need is time 

Time is the key

but i cant find time because the clock is all ways ticking

Tick Tock

the sound makes my head burst

makes my heart want to leap out

and makes things no better or worse

GOD WHAT DO I DO!

please give me a helping hand 

If time is the key

Maybe i just need a friend

to give me advice

to lend me a shoulder

when i need to cry

to tell me its ok and that everything will be fine

i just need some sleep

so just close your eyes

I just need time

but time is not my friend

OOPSS

guess what 

my time just ran out

Hurt

im hurt by the world and how cruel it can be

by the people that are just as cruel as the world can be

im hurt because my hurt cant take any more lies

or by the fact that my life did not turn out right

i am hurting because inside all there is is pain

or because the ones that are close cant realize the pain

im hurt because i have to ask for money cause i dont have a job

and because on top of that i am emotionally and mentally scarred

i am so hurt because i look to my past cause i dont want to move forward

and because the people that mean the most to me keep dying 

leaving me behind to pick up the pieces that they left

expecting me to just move of and forget everything

forget all the laughter, the love, the tears, and the pain

forget the drama, the encouragement, the teachings, and the playing

all the fun we had together, and all the hard times we have made it through

im hurt because now are just hard times that have gotten even harder

without you

Im hurting because the i dont express myself the way that i use to

now i just shut down and keep everything hidden under a fake smile

thats broken to

broken down into bits and pieces because the joy is no longer there

no security left, and low self-esteem as well.

i am hurting because i feel so alone in the world or i may

call Jesus' name one day and the next day its a different story

im hurting because i have no one to talk to 

no one to hear my cries and see my pain except for you

except for my father who lives up above

who sees all the pain in my hurt and all the lack of love

He is a witness to all the tears i have cried at night

all the pain and sorrow that i feel deep down inside

my feels like it ended every since Shane died, and to make matters

worse i lose everything the day of the fire

in that fire i lost everything, even myself and it took all of me

i am no longer who i once was and i dont know who i will be

i want to help those who are in the same position i was in

i want to start my own business to help those in need the young teen

mothers, and the ones destined to be.

i want to make a difference even though im in all this pain

because one day it will all pay off for my sake and for theirs.

LOVE & HATE

I can truly say that i hate you..............

But i love you........... but it all just seems so real

Everyone always wants to know why i love you still

Why i put up with you and your crazy games

Why i let you treat me this why

Most say that we are nothing alike

But i love the fact that you know me so well, like the palm

of my hand you can read it front to back

but the drama drives me insane, and i try to hold back

try to hold back the feelings that i have 

all the pain and the hurt, but the love that you give

If you could see from my point of view you would ask the same thing

why do i put up with all the pain that you bring

Some say i rather be hurt then to feel nothing at all

I want to let you go but i just love you to much

We may mot have much in common and we may fight to much

But i love the way that it feels, cause you love me just right

i see past the pain, and past all the hurt, and past all the past 

things that always broke us up.

i see the love that you give and that you really want to change

you just need the help so that you can begin.

To really love me the right way.

I think to myself why do i love you so much and why do i continu

to try to make this work, my heart skips a beat when you say I Love You!

and my head starts to spin when im around you.

i try to hold on to the good times we have had

but now the good never out weighs the bad

i wish you could live in my body for one night

just to see all the pain you have caused, all the scars on my heart that

has your name on them, and all the times i have cried because you

were always assuming.

i guess this is a never ending story because i hate that i love you

and that i keep on trying.

i hate that i can fall in love with you again, when i have talked myself

into believing that i dont need you anymore.

im sorry if you read this and dont like what i am saying.

but i hate you and i love you all at the same time..

Why

Why is it that i tend to close up when we talk
or that i get depressed way to quick
Why do i let my emotions get the best of me
or why do i have to be so sensitive
Why do i look at guys all the time
because every time i see on i seem to look everytime
Why cant i just let go and let God
or why is it so hard to believe in myself
What is in store for me and why cant i see it
Why do i have these gifts but no longer use them
Why do you love me and why do you care
Why do i make things harder then they have to be
and what can i do to make things easier for me
Sometimes at night i make a wish upon a star
because that way its easier to let my feelings go
Why do i daydream about stuff i know wont come true
or live in a fantasy world that will never be real
Why am i who i am and not who you want me to be
Because i am my own individual and guess what
ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME!!! LOL

The Beauty Within

Where does it come from who really knows

Who will i see it, and know that is shows

Is it inside my pocket, or layed out on my bed

Can i see it out the window, or drive to it in a car

Why does the beauty within seem so far

How can i let it out and who do i show it to

When will i realize its deep inside of me

Its deep in my veins, its at the tip of my tongue

Its in my breathe in the morning when i wake up

Its my personality, and my intellect as well

Its not just the features i show on my face

The beauty within me is alive and alert

to find it in you look deep inside your heart

Its in every person near and or far

So find the beauty in you, hold it tight and never let it go.