Hurt

im hurt by the world and how cruel it can be

by the people that are just as cruel as the world can be

im hurt because my hurt cant take any more lies

or by the fact that my life did not turn out right

i am hurting because inside all there is is pain

or because the ones that are close cant realize the pain

im hurt because i have to ask for money cause i dont have a job

and because on top of that i am emotionally and mentally scarred

i am so hurt because i look to my past cause i dont want to move forward

and because the people that mean the most to me keep dying 

leaving me behind to pick up the pieces that they left

expecting me to just move of and forget everything

forget all the laughter, the love, the tears, and the pain

forget the drama, the encouragement, the teachings, and the playing

all the fun we had together, and all the hard times we have made it through

im hurt because now are just hard times that have gotten even harder

without you

Im hurting because the i dont express myself the way that i use to

now i just shut down and keep everything hidden under a fake smile

thats broken to

broken down into bits and pieces because the joy is no longer there

no security left, and low self-esteem as well.

i am hurting because i feel so alone in the world or i may

call Jesus' name one day and the next day its a different story

im hurting because i have no one to talk to 

no one to hear my cries and see my pain except for you

except for my father who lives up above

who sees all the pain in my hurt and all the lack of love

He is a witness to all the tears i have cried at night

all the pain and sorrow that i feel deep down inside

my feels like it ended every since Shane died, and to make matters

worse i lose everything the day of the fire

in that fire i lost everything, even myself and it took all of me

i am no longer who i once was and i dont know who i will be

i want to help those who are in the same position i was in

i want to start my own business to help those in need the young teen

mothers, and the ones destined to be.

i want to make a difference even though im in all this pain

because one day it will all pay off for my sake and for theirs.

LOVE & HATE

I can truly say that i hate you..............

But i love you........... but it all just seems so real

Everyone always wants to know why i love you still

Why i put up with you and your crazy games

Why i let you treat me this why

Most say that we are nothing alike

But i love the fact that you know me so well, like the palm

of my hand you can read it front to back

but the drama drives me insane, and i try to hold back

try to hold back the feelings that i have 

all the pain and the hurt, but the love that you give

If you could see from my point of view you would ask the same thing

why do i put up with all the pain that you bring

Some say i rather be hurt then to feel nothing at all

I want to let you go but i just love you to much

We may mot have much in common and we may fight to much

But i love the way that it feels, cause you love me just right

i see past the pain, and past all the hurt, and past all the past 

things that always broke us up.

i see the love that you give and that you really want to change

you just need the help so that you can begin.

To really love me the right way.

I think to myself why do i love you so much and why do i continu

to try to make this work, my heart skips a beat when you say I Love You!

and my head starts to spin when im around you.

i try to hold on to the good times we have had

but now the good never out weighs the bad

i wish you could live in my body for one night

just to see all the pain you have caused, all the scars on my heart that

has your name on them, and all the times i have cried because you

were always assuming.

i guess this is a never ending story because i hate that i love you

and that i keep on trying.

i hate that i can fall in love with you again, when i have talked myself

into believing that i dont need you anymore.

im sorry if you read this and dont like what i am saying.

but i hate you and i love you all at the same time..

Why

Why is it that i tend to close up when we talk
or that i get depressed way to quick
Why do i let my emotions get the best of me
or why do i have to be so sensitive
Why do i look at guys all the time
because every time i see on i seem to look everytime
Why cant i just let go and let God
or why is it so hard to believe in myself
What is in store for me and why cant i see it
Why do i have these gifts but no longer use them
Why do you love me and why do you care
Why do i make things harder then they have to be
and what can i do to make things easier for me
Sometimes at night i make a wish upon a star
because that way its easier to let my feelings go
Why do i daydream about stuff i know wont come true
or live in a fantasy world that will never be real
Why am i who i am and not who you want me to be
Because i am my own individual and guess what
ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME!!! LOL

The Beauty Within

Where does it come from who really knows

Who will i see it, and know that is shows

Is it inside my pocket, or layed out on my bed

Can i see it out the window, or drive to it in a car

Why does the beauty within seem so far

How can i let it out and who do i show it to

When will i realize its deep inside of me

Its deep in my veins, its at the tip of my tongue

Its in my breathe in the morning when i wake up

Its my personality, and my intellect as well

Its not just the features i show on my face

The beauty within me is alive and alert

to find it in you look deep inside your heart

Its in every person near and or far

So find the beauty in you, hold it tight and never let it go.